Going back to my world then. It isn't so much that I don't meet gay people who work in Wall Street or who have gone to Ivy League schools that leaves me feeling ambivalent. It is that when I meet them, I don't get the same sense from them as I do from meeting guys in my everyday affairs. It's a little difficult to describe, and I'm afraid my sparse talent for putting words to thoughts is going to distort or simplify what it is I'm trying to get across. The notion is a little like that of quality in "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance".

Does the quality of a person change when he is in different worlds? Or is it that I have yet to meet people who traverse both worlds with equal confidence? Why is it that no man that I've met in my gay world has excited in me the same package of emotions as when I meet certain people in the worlds that I grew up in, specifically those years as a student? I say package because I don't want to trivialize it to mere attraction. It is attraction that goes with a sense that I could build my life with this man. It is a sense that there is a future waiting for him and me to conquer. It is a feeling of mutual respect and a sense of possible reciprocity in feelings. I feel an attraction to him that is more natural than that I feel in the gay world.